Killin' Me Softly

Time: 7.51pm

I have great difficulties breathing. I've not felt like this for the longest time. The feeling is so intense... it's like you're on top of a mountain, and instead of the beautiful scenery that you've hoped for, all you get are dark clouds and grey skies. The air is so thin that you feel suffocated. It's like you're on life support, and some prankster comes along and switch it off for that few seconds, just to see you gasping for breath. It's like a fish out of water, with its mouth gaping for help and feeling life slowly being sucked away from it.

That's how it feels like.

Perhaps I'm finally cracking under pressure. There's simply too many things going on in my life right now that I'm not sure if I can handle it. I don't know if I'm really that clueless... I know I'm not that dumb, yet I do not know how to make things better.

Some days I'm being lifted to the top of the world, where I can hear the angels sing and stars twinkling. Other days, or should I say, more often than not, I feel as if I'm being buried alive... no worst, I'm being banished to hell, for something that I didn't even know I've done or should've done but didn't.

Even my boss can sense that I'm awfully stressed out. I hate this feeling of losing control of my life. Of not knowing how to make it better, or worst still, what is causing it to be this way. I hate not knowing the answers, and sinking deeper into something which I have no experience in. I was secretly hoping that the wrongs could be right, but at the end of the day, it's still a grey area.
I was full of optimism for good things to happen to me, as I believe that I've been a good person all my life, and therefore, my God should not have any reason to punish me. Of course, I admit I'm no angel at times (Even angels fall...), but I still try my best...or perhaps my best is still not enough.

I may not be sure, but at least I'm trying. Is that not enough?