My 50th Entry

Date: 21 April
Time: 11.02am

It's my 50th entry. Woah, time does fly, doesn't it? And after all these nonsensical yakking from me, I'm still going nowhere in life. Grr....

It's the birthday of 2 of my special friends tml. One of them I'm still in contact with, (and occasionally bully too) whilst for the other one, she was my closest friend in secondary school. She sat beside me, loaned me her cd collection (when all I knew in the past was Aaron Kwok), gave me treats and let me braid her hair. She was known to be quite aloof, a little in her own world and hardly ever socialise. She's always so cool that she's known as the "Posh Spice" during the juvenile days.

I tried in vain to keep in touch with her, but I feel so helpless at times. She cancelled her cellphone line but I still have her home number. When I tried to call her once in a while, I could feel that she did not want to be associated with the rest of the world anymore. She was the only one amongst my friend to drift from school to school, work to work after O-levels. I remembered about 3 yrs ago when I decided to surprise her with a cake on her birthday at the void deck of her home. She unwillingly came down after waiting for almost an hour and a half. She still looked the same. The same porcelain skin and shoulder length dark hair. She talked to me and we reminisce about the good old days and she admitted to me that something was disturbing her mentally but she wouldn't elaborate. I could tell she was still the kind soul I used to know when she fed the stray cats but somehow, she've chosen to close her doors to us.

She used to be the most tech-savvy amongst us. She was the first to have a handphone and it was one of the most pricey one too. She had her own room, filled with the latest technology, and we once even stumbled across our first porn site in her room! She hated taking pictures as she's always the fairest amongst us (she thinks she looks too pale) and she hardly ever wore a skirt, choosing Quiksilver bermudas and nike tees instead. She excelled in sports, and often wowed us with her stand board-jump during the dreaded NAPFA days. We would sleep during Accounting class and gossip about the people we hated, and came to love now.

Even her dad called me up to ask me too go out with her sometime, as she's been keeping to herself a lot. I didn't know how to connect with her anymore. I didn't want to try to call her cos she hung up on me several times, or left me waiting and simply didn't pick up the phone again... she'll retort rudely that she didn't want to keep in touch with anyone and I didn't know what to talk to her about and it hurt me. I can't tell her about my work, cos she's not working, and i didn't want to make her feel inadequent. I asked her about her life, but I didn't want her to think I feel sorry for her.

I miss her dearly, and it's not as if she's gone from my life. I seem to have moved on but there's always a special place in my heart for her. It may have diminish bit by bit when I've made new good-friends, but 10 yrs down the road, even 20, or 30, she was still once one of my dearest friends.

Happy birthday dear.