The Start To A Perfect Ending

Time: 9.02am

I haven't been so vocal for a long, long time. But sometimes, circumstances leave me with no choice, so I had to voice out how I felt, or risk being barred from saying it forever.

I did the unthinkinable, the forbidden, the 'momma-would-have-disapproved' thing. I confessed.

Like I mentioned for the 100th time, I'm probably one of the most old fashioned girl left in this country. Include my mom, and prob. 2 of my best friends... so that makes 4 of us.

It started off as something really simple. He was down. I felt sorry. He probably needed a listening ear and a crying shoulder. And I did what a friend should do. I never for once expected anything in return, and I just want to ensure that he's happy.

Then we hang out more. A little too much, I guess...which was probably why I was led to believe that I was feeling emotionally attached to him. From days that I can't be bothered with cellphone messages to constantly having the phone by my side so I wouldn't miss any message.

It was getting out of hand. But he was the sweetest thing that ever happened to me. I guess I've thought of this world as being a little too rosy... I knew he had too much going on for him, so I didn't want to add on to his problems, thus I chose to remain a silent supporter for him.

So I say, don't be too nice to me. Don't say you miss me. Don't say you want to pamper me. Cause I'm the weakest link around. I find it hard to be tough and pretend it's all a game...or simply like how you said, you're just being nice. And I was being plain silly, can't even differentiate nice and like. From seeing you as someone who's rash, temperamental and insensitive, I start to see you as someone who's sweet, emotional and loyal. I know you like me...as a friend. And definitely not as much as I like you.

I only have myself to blame...thinking that things will be simple. If you haven't been so truthful about your... escapades, I would have continued being the silent observer, and patiently waiting for you to find your happiness. But I just lost my cool... and blew it all.

I love how Miss XinCity puts it for me "u are the one with a clear head of blue skies and white clouds and that he is the storm that keeps brewing. and even though we all need a little grey to remind us of the day, we shouldn't waste our fucking time waiting for a storm to get our hair wet. "

I'm sorry. Sorry for making things so complex now..when all I wanted was for it to be simple. Sorry for not saying how I feel earlier, which could've potentially avoided all this mess. Sorry for being so naive, and believing that good things could happen to me. Sorry for adding on a burden to your already over-loaded shoulders. Sorry for not being able to stick around long enough to wait for good things to happen to you. Or me.

But thank you... thank you for the past months, where you give me a reason to look forward to everyday. Thank you for the days when you lent me your shoulder when I feel down. Thank you for making me feel like I actually have an important part in someone's life, even if it's for a brief second.

It feels good... I can actually breathe easier now. Phew!

Yap...it's a good start to a perfect ending. Almost perfect ending.