Blood Ties
Time: 11.17pm
Location: Bro's Room
When was the last time we looked at our parents and really talk to them? Not the 'What's for dinner?" but the sitting down, in front of the telly and comment about life, people, news...et cetetra...Have we noticed how much they've aged and how small they suddenly look. Maybe not small as in size, but it seems like now we're towering over them and they look so...tired.
I was sitting next to Mom watching the telly and folding 'golden ingots' to be burnt for the seventh month. I looked over to her and I noticed how much she've aged. One amazing thing about my Mom is that she doesn't have any grey hairs. Not a single strand and she's in her mid 50s. My Mom is really pretty. She hardly looks a day over 40 but when I look at her closely, I can see fine lines at the end of her bright eyes. My Mom has the largest eyes around and very defined double eye-lids...whereas I inherited my "Cheena-eyes" from my Dad. (Not that I'm complaining) She told me that a close friend of ours is getting married in Japan. She has been invited to go over to attend the wedding dinner. All expenses will be paid. But my Mom is hesitant about going as she couldn't speak the language. She will like us to accompany her (She didn't say but I know) but the thought of forking out extra $$ for the airtickets kinda holds her back. My Mom is very particular about money. I don't blame her, as we were never well-off to begin with. And everything we have today, she worked hard for it. She told me she was tired, and I gave her a massage. In the past, I would've stopped within 2 mins as my hands were tired. Yesterday, I went on for almost 10.
Dad's eyes haven't fully recovered. My Dad is quite a big baby. Maybe he just wants the attention and thus I sometimes 'entertain' him a lot. My Dad was quite dashing when he was younger. My Mom said he was so well-groomed (aka metrosexual) that many gals fall for him. He makes wonderful meehoon goreng and curry chicken. He too, like Mom, loves me a lot.
I know that they're probably not going anywhere anytime soon. But sometimes, when I look at them, at how fast time flies, I get really scared. In fact, I'm tearing now when I'm typing this. I am scared that I'll never be able to give them the life I want them to have. They've worked so hard all their lives, and yet, I am still unable to fully provide for them. I am scared that if my dreams of working overseas finally come true one day, will I be able to abandon all and leave them. It feels weird inside, that now I'm 24, and they're getting older. And someday, they will eventually leave me. And the thought of not having them around scares me.
I'm sure all of us feels this way sometimes, but we hardly acknowledge it. It's like a feeling we brush aside, 'cos we kinda take for granted their existence. It's so hard for us to tell them we love them, but it's easier to tell our partners how we feel. But they're only going to be around for so long...and it scares me that I'll not have enough time to repay them back. Maybe I'm thinking too much (Yes, I am) but for me, for now, forever, they're be the closest people to my hearts.
Location: Bro's Room
When was the last time we looked at our parents and really talk to them? Not the 'What's for dinner?" but the sitting down, in front of the telly and comment about life, people, news...et cetetra...Have we noticed how much they've aged and how small they suddenly look. Maybe not small as in size, but it seems like now we're towering over them and they look so...tired.
I was sitting next to Mom watching the telly and folding 'golden ingots' to be burnt for the seventh month. I looked over to her and I noticed how much she've aged. One amazing thing about my Mom is that she doesn't have any grey hairs. Not a single strand and she's in her mid 50s. My Mom is really pretty. She hardly looks a day over 40 but when I look at her closely, I can see fine lines at the end of her bright eyes. My Mom has the largest eyes around and very defined double eye-lids...whereas I inherited my "Cheena-eyes" from my Dad. (Not that I'm complaining) She told me that a close friend of ours is getting married in Japan. She has been invited to go over to attend the wedding dinner. All expenses will be paid. But my Mom is hesitant about going as she couldn't speak the language. She will like us to accompany her (She didn't say but I know) but the thought of forking out extra $$ for the airtickets kinda holds her back. My Mom is very particular about money. I don't blame her, as we were never well-off to begin with. And everything we have today, she worked hard for it. She told me she was tired, and I gave her a massage. In the past, I would've stopped within 2 mins as my hands were tired. Yesterday, I went on for almost 10.
Dad's eyes haven't fully recovered. My Dad is quite a big baby. Maybe he just wants the attention and thus I sometimes 'entertain' him a lot. My Dad was quite dashing when he was younger. My Mom said he was so well-groomed (aka metrosexual) that many gals fall for him. He makes wonderful meehoon goreng and curry chicken. He too, like Mom, loves me a lot.
I know that they're probably not going anywhere anytime soon. But sometimes, when I look at them, at how fast time flies, I get really scared. In fact, I'm tearing now when I'm typing this. I am scared that I'll never be able to give them the life I want them to have. They've worked so hard all their lives, and yet, I am still unable to fully provide for them. I am scared that if my dreams of working overseas finally come true one day, will I be able to abandon all and leave them. It feels weird inside, that now I'm 24, and they're getting older. And someday, they will eventually leave me. And the thought of not having them around scares me.
I'm sure all of us feels this way sometimes, but we hardly acknowledge it. It's like a feeling we brush aside, 'cos we kinda take for granted their existence. It's so hard for us to tell them we love them, but it's easier to tell our partners how we feel. But they're only going to be around for so long...and it scares me that I'll not have enough time to repay them back. Maybe I'm thinking too much (Yes, I am) but for me, for now, forever, they're be the closest people to my hearts.
posted by Ying at
Tuesday, August 01, 2006
2 Comments:
Knowledge of Mortality makes us cherish our loved ones...but eventually you, like me, will come to the fork in the road. Will you choose self-protection, and keep them out of your memories so you will not face the heart-rending pain? Or will you choose to do what you can, and face the inevitable end? Is there a middle path?
Sometimes, I think I'm just being melodramatic..but I am certain that if that fateful day do come one day, I will never be too prepared for it. How can we ever be prepared? I guess I'll never be able to choose either options, but when the time comes, (which I hope will be never...) I'll just... maybe weep and reminisce.
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