Blue Days

Time: 9.35pm
Location: In my room.

For some reason, something inside me is up in knots and I hate that feeling.

Sometimes, I wish I'm not me and I'm simply someone who never worries about the little things in life. I don't know when or how I felt the way I'm feeling now but it's frustrating and I wish I could pull out this poison from my system and flush it down the loo or something.

I just resigned from my tuition job, 'cos I do feel I need more time to myself... like I want to feel that I've truly lived. I want to just sit at a sidewalk, with a smoothie in hand and watch the world goes by. I want to just lay in bed on a rainy day and sip hot milo while watching DVDs. I want to sit on a random bus with my mp3 on and it'll take me to nowhere. I want to go to a place where I will feel at ease with myself and paint the sunset. I want to sing on top of my voice and pretend that no one can hear me. I want to watch little children play and laugh while I play hide and seek with them.

I just want things to be simplier.

Beautiful Things

Time: 10.34am

Needless to say that I'm in the office.

I can't seem to get myself to work, though I have piles of stuff to clear. The heart feels heavy now, and just when I thought that if I get myself to concentrate completely on my work, it'll slowly loosen up.

It didn't.

Just the other day, a most pleasant thing happened while walking home with my new-found soulmate. A toddler was just happily balancing on her feet, thrilled to discover the beauty of walking and running, when she came right up to me, and stretched out her arms, asking me to hold her.

I didn't know her, nor her family, but her father gave me a smile and I held her in my arms. She pointed in another direction, asking me to take her there, and when her father came over to ask to hold her, she stubbornly refused.

It was sweet. And beautiful.

I've been listening to the song, 'Slide' by Goo Goo Dolls. It's amazing how a few words in a song makes it so beautiful.

He is sad. I could tell... behind his carefree demeanor, he is troubled. He told me many things, and I feel sad, 'cos I could not help to ease his pain. Often, time can heal, but for now, the wounds are still fresh.

And I saw the tears. It broke my heart as I could do nothing. I feel completely helpless and yet, as much as I wanted to, there were other factors that forced me to leave him there. I could only tell him to let it out as I don't believe in holding back the tears. They're like poison, leaving the body. Purifying your mind and lets you breathe easier.

So cry. Let it all out.

My Feng Shui Space

Time: 15.16pm
Location: Office...shh...

Yes, I know I'm not exactly supposed to be blogging when I'm still at work..but I'm just taking a short break from my work :)

I'm now seated in a corner of the office, in a recluse corner on my own, and I love it here. I have a new designer, and she's really sweet (not because I tasted her), and I think we will get along fine.

Recently, someone whom I've known for a while just became part of my life. No, not what you're thinking. It's even better. I found a friend who trusted me with things that he could tell no other. And honestly, I am darn flattered.

After the 'date', we went back to the same place again with his friend and we talked again for a long time. Just the other day, we did something which I've always missed doing... taking the bus to nowhere.

I used to take the bus to nowhere when I'm upset. If my Mom and I had a fight, I would just hope on the first bus that comes along and I'd alight whenever I feel like. It's a perfect time for me to reflect on life and have some quiet moments to myself.

Him and I just hoped on the first bus that came along, and we were like tourists...it was fun, 'cos we got to see parts of Singapore that we've never seen before. We saw Pasir Panjang wholesale market,and also this bridge that was on high stilts and all...it was like we were in JB or something.

We alighted at a coffeeshop at Clementi, and had prata, bee hoon Goreng(when we actually ordered Bee Hong Kway Teow Goreng) and Rojak... Then we walked around, boarded aother bus and ended at JEC, and got to watch an Ice Hockey Match...then we took another bus to Hougang Ave 7, Blk 357 and he told me some more of his life's darkest secrets.

The amazing thing is, he's really a friend, who's so dear to me. I'm definitely not his 'type', so he's telling me all those stuff not because he's intending to pursue me, but simply because he loves me as a friend.

Sometimes, life only gets better.